Fanboys...?

I am so uncertain how this film has managed to slip my attention till right now, but I'm dissapointed in myself. Sigh.

So what is this film about? Here is a summary taken from various sources I could find on the net:

It's 1998, and Linus will not live long enough to see the release of Star Wars episode 1 - The Phantom Menace. Along with his friends Eric, Windows, Hutch and Zoe plan to break into Skywalker Ranch, to steal a print of the movie. They set out travelling across the country to get the film, so Linus can see it before he dies. Simple plot. But the cast... my God, it's a fanboys wet dream!

The main characters are all people you will recognise, but of the type where you have to struggle to remember why you recognise them. But the rest of the cast includes:

Seth Rogen
Carrie Fisher
Ray Park
Jason Mewes
Kevin Smith
Billy Dee Williams
Ethan Suplee
Danny Trejo
and
WILLIAM SHATNER

If you're not sure who all the above people are, then watch the trailer - it doesn't give their real names, but what the roles they're most famous for. Inspired.

The Best Of Both (geek) Worlds

So this coming Sunday in the UK is the start of yet another series of I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!

This is a show where a host of (usually) C-list celebrities get stranded in an Australian jungle, and have to perform trials to earn food and luxuries. These Bushtucker Trials usually equate to getting covered in insects or snakes, and not panicking while a physical task is performed. It's actually quite good fun, and has produced the couple that dethroned the Beckhams as the UK's leading family, Katie 'Jordan' Price and Peter Andre.

This year, however, apart from the usual C-listers, it seems George Takei is taking part! Go geekdom!!

But who is George Takei, I hear you cry? And I reply with a shame on you, if you didn't know. Takei is Sulu, from Star Trek. And if that isn't enough, here's his pic:

In case you don't actually watch Star Trek (and for shame if you don't!) he has also appeared in Heroes, as Hiro's dad.



So, as you can imagine, this is the most excited I have been about a reality TV show since Dirk Benedict appeared on Big Brother. Roll on Sunday!

Sorry for the delay

Normal geekiness will resume shortly.

In the meantime enjoy this pic of a weird Spiderman tatoo. Some people are even geekier than me!

Nick and Anne

Just in case anyone wanted to know how cool Nick and Anne are, I can now state with certainty that they are very cool and also very awesome.

You want picture proof? I got your picture proof here!

Look at that sweet sisterly kiss I'm giving Anne - only cool and awesome people can share a moment like that!

Still, nothing says cool and awesome like dancing...

Look at me move! Cool



And look at Anne move! Awesome

And in the photo below, even when wearing wigs we both look cool and awesome!

Gangsters!

So in an effort to try some blog posts that are less geeky than the norm, I'm going to start off by discussing the weekend.




Friday Night is Gangster Night!

Friday was the "Gangsters" theme night for my wife's birthday. It involved everyone dressing up like a gangster (not a gangsta, but that would have been more cool). I didn't dress up, for the following reasons:

1. I had no time during the week to get a costume sorted

2. Gangsters tend to wear shirts, ties, etc., similar to how I dress for work. Thus dressing up in this attire has little appeal to me. I would basically have had the same outfit I wore for Sarah's police theme night, the one you can see here. I went as a noire detective, wheras everyone else went as English bobbies. I'm so original :)

But if I had known that the next theme night would have been gangsters, then maybe I would not have gone as the detective before.

Doesn't my wife look so hot in that pic?!?


3. I had approximately 18 minutes to get ready. Now, considering I got home at 6.25pm, and we didn't leave till 8pm, you may be wondering how 95 minutes of getting ready time disolved into a mere 18 minutes. This is because my loving wife invited her friends to get ready at our house; not just at our house, but also in our bedroom and using our en-suite. However, I'm not really angry that bothered.

First Stop - Isaac's
We started off in Isaac's, a bar on the docks in Ipswich. It used to be a Vodka bar with a vast selection of flavoured vodka, and was great fun. It's still not a bad place to start off for a nights drinking, but was particularly quiet. And cold. And in the middle of another refurb.

Notable things: my nipples after the first ten minutes; Nicola coming on to John (kind of); discovering that Tasha is in fact louder than most of the others; Kim mentioning her kittens to Katie; Katie deciding she would like a kitten; Sarah Panplimpinim dissapearing

Second Stop - Ice Bar

This was followed by heading to the Ice Bar, which is a run of the mill "bar-connected-to-night-club" sort of place, but I quite like it in there, especially as every drink was £1.50! Didn't matter what you ordered, it was £1.50. I'm not sure if all the drinks were supposed to be £1.50, but I have a feeling the pretty bar maids have trouble with the maths, and it's just easier to charge everything at £1.50.

Unfortunately for the hot gangster chicks we were with, there was an all woman toga party in Ice as well. And I have to say they were HOT

Notable things: John downing Sambuca (well, just the one) and doing a gas chamber; Anne's swimming dancing; John throwing up (is that notable or expected?); a bucket in the men's toilet, presumably because they knew John was coming

Laura, Sarah and Katie. John is just visible to the right. One of the hot toga girls is to the left.

Third Stop - New York Exchange Bar

We weren't in here for long; still not quite sure why we went there in the first place. The toilet is damn hard to find, however, and in the time it took me to find, everyone had finished their drink.

Notable things: John bought a round (no, seriously, he did); having to find the toilet by following Kim - unfortunately I followed her to far, but luckily nobody noticed I walked into the ladies room, and that is something I will take to the grave with me; John leaving at this point

Last Stop - Pals

I hate Pals. It's full of pretentious posers, all the blokes on the pull, ugh. But then, that's pretty much everywhere in Ipswich. OK, so Quilt never used to be full of pretentious posers, people that ugly couldn't possibly ever be called posers, but the door staff more than made up for all the uglies that drank there, stuck up pretentious twats. Must. Calm. Down. Pheww, there we go.

Anyway, we weren't here for long either; Katie and Sarah left first, followed by me and Anne. No, I am married to Katie, and not Anne, I have no idea why I didn't leave with my wife. There you go.

Notable things: Everyone leaving; some girls trying to take Katie's hat that I was wearing, some girl taking Kerry's hat that Stuart was wearing; Kim vanishing; Anne getting stressy at people at the taxi rank; getting home and discovering everyone was sleeping at ours, putting me in a foul mood and losing my bed to others. Bah.

So that was Friday night. Anyone who was there want to add any comments about the evening, maybe notable things that I missed off?

Too Geeky?

Apparently my blog has been described as *too geeky* lately; geez, as if there is such a thing! But never let it be said that I do not listen to my faithful readers. I'll try and post some more personal type blogs on here.

Happy now Sarah?!?

OK, so I started watching the US version of Life On Mars this week.

Where to start? I suppose I'll start at the beginning. And I'll be doing a lot of comparing of the UKand US versions, which really can't be helped as many scenes are not only identical in script, but in direction as well.

However, the two show do not start off identically. The big premise of the UK show, is a "real life" detective arrives in a 1973 that is less like the real 1973, more like an idealists version of a 1970's police procedural show. The US version veers off that formula from the start; it involves a chase around the streets of New York, ending in a fight involving a garbage lid and some pithy one-liners. Straight away it's apparent that this is not a show about a real life copper, but a cop from a 2008 TV police procedural show.

So the two shows are built on the same high concept idea, but with a slightly different premise. This should be a good thing. It opens up a chance to reinterpret the ideas within Life On Mars, without being a straightforward copy. So, off to a good start? Read on, faithful reader!

There are other minor changes - Sam Tyler and Maya are not on the verge of breaking up, as hinted at in the UK version. Nor does US Sam pull Maya off the case. As an aside, why the Hell didn't the US rename the characters? It would make it far easier for us comparitive reviewers, and didn't hurt the Office much. The bad guy, Colin Raimes, is released an air tight alibi, much like the original. Although in the US version, it turns out his alibi is false, and in fact he is a twin! His twin was used as an alibi! See, so much more like a 2008 police show, than a real life 2008 detective.

Now, for some reason, Maya is following US Colin, and gets kidnapped. US Sam doesn't get upset and cry like a girl, he gets angry and manly. And then he gets run over. And wakes up in 1973. In a scene swiped exactly as the UK version. But at least the UK version had the decency not to use the twin towers for an awe factor...

At this point, you see the American writers are very lazy writers indeed. Some of the weaker dialogue from the UK series, such as in this scene with a pun about a jeep, is kept in. I can only assume the writers just couldn't be arsed to change much dialogue. And I bet they got paid a bucket load of cash. Talk about money for nothing.

Next, everything happens as the UK version; Sam checking out the Super-8 player in the car, Sam bumping his head on the car, checking himself out in another car's wing mirror, walking in a daze into the police station. Gotta say the music was cool, though.

Then we meet the other key characters, Skelton, Carling and, of course, Gene Hunt. Ah, Gene Hunt. The Gene Genie.

I originally heard that Colm Meaney had won the role for this part, and according to various sources on the net, actually filmed the pilot version. For whatever reason, though, the role has now been taken over by Harvey Keitel, you know the one, the cool fixer in Pulp Fiction. On paper, this must have sounded like a dream for the show. Big(ish) Hollywood star doing a TV show, he's known for his nasty yet cool type characters.

But how good is he? Ah, see that I don't actually know yet - after he appeared on screen, my wife screamed at me to turn it off, and refused to watch it with someone as unsexy as Keitel trying to fill Philip Glenisters shoes. And, hey, I value my life too much to keep it on after that kind of response. Based on my wife's reactions, Keitel could be a huge casting mistake.

I plan to watch the rest of the episode tomorrow, and will be back to finish my reveiw then. However, from the first 20 minutes, I am far from convinced this show has anything to offer after the brilliance of the original. But I'll give a fully informed opinion after watching the whole thing... I'm kind of intrigued at Raimes having a twin, and wonder if the plot could veer off the original tracks at some point?

Been awhile since I updated this - but there haven't been too many films to add.

01. The Dark Knight - still number one, and judging by the rest of the years releases, I can't see this changing.

02. Iron Man - recently saw this on DVD; while The Dark Knight may be the better film, this is the best comic adaptation ever - at least until Watchmen is released next year.

03. The Incredible Hulk

*new* 04. Hellboy 2: The Golden Army - what a great film; completely over the top, but great fun, with amazing action pieces.

05. Dan In Real Life

*new* 06. The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon's Emperor - And this slips in above Indiana Jones; like Hellboy, another great fun and action-filled film, although the super-cute yetis may be the best animated monster of the year!

07. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crytsal Skull

08. Harold and Kumar Escape From Guatanamo Bay

09. Get Smart

10. Hancock

11. Kung Fu Panda

12. Forgetting Sarah Marshall

13. Sex & The City

14. Meet The Spartans

15. Speed Racer

16. What Happens In Vegas

17. The Mist

18. 27 Dresses

19. Cloverfield

20. Juno

Now, I have Wanted to see soon; my wife saw it recently and was impressed, so I'm hopeful that it's good. If it can make it into the Top 5 (of which I'm not so certain) that would make a Top 5 consisting solely of comic book adaptations. Is that because I am a geek, or have comic book adaptations really become that good?

Kickboxing Mayhem

There's some sort of kickboxing match here in Ipswich, so what better reason do I need to inform some of my lesser knowledgeable readers about the greatest super-villain to ever appear in comics. And I mean EVER!

The super-villain? Well, the title may give it away to those in the know, but those unfortunates without a clue, see if you can guess. Is it:

a) Doctor Doom (nah, too evil)

b) The Joker (wimp)

c) The Red Skull (too nazi)

d) Magneto (too self-righteous)
e) Batroc the Leaper (could be...)

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the mighty Batroc the Leaper

What's not too love?

He's French

He has a twirly moustache

He has a garish costume

And he speaks in an awesome french accent! He calls himself "Batroc ze leapair", just how cool is that?!? Other phrases - "Zut alor" "Sacre Bleu!" "Nom du chien" - and I'm fairly certain all these phrases are either wrong or used in the wrong context!

The best thing about Batroc - he twirls his twirly moustache! How cool is that?

Powers: None. He's just a kickboxer with a really silly costume.

And that is (seriously) my favourite super-villain of all time!!

I'm Back!

Wow, it's been a while since my last blog; I think that's down to the fact that:

1. I left my old job on the 22nd August

2. I went on holiday for a week to Felixstowe on the 23rd August, arriving back home on teh 30th August

3. I started my new job on 1st September.

4. I don't really have an excuse for not updating since starting my new job, except I have been somewhat unwell. I'm OK now, though, thanks for asking.

So, what's happened in my geeky life since my last blog? Hmm, probably the geekiest thing ever was that my holiday consisted of staying in a caravan and not a 4* hotel. Not bad, though the room service left a lot to be desired. Yeah, that's pretty geeky.

Oh, I dressed up as a policeman in a friends birthday celebrations. Well, I dressed up as a detective, I let the others dress up in proper uniform. I looked pretty sexy, if I do say so myself, as did my darling wife.

Started watching the new series of Prison Break and Bones. Prison Break is really becoming hard to stay interested in, but Bones is still a great little series; my favourite police procedural on tv at the moment. But when does the new series of Battlestar Galactica start, huh? Anyone know?

I'll try and get at least one other blog done soon; I must have seen another film for my Top 20, but I can't think of one...

Cheers!

Big Brother

So, is it cruel to laugh at a blind man trying to learn a dance routine on Big Brother? Even when he keeps facing the wrong way?

Oh, and I pretty much despise all the remaining contestants, they really are the dredge of humanity in their now. Well, Lisa is OK, and Rachel is harmless I suppose, but who wants Darnell, Rex or Mohamed to stay in the house? Why have all the fun housemates gone? Am I that out of touch with what the typical man/woman on the streets wants to see in BB?

Bah

A Quickie

If you read my Blog, can you please leave a comment? Even if it's anonymous. Sometimes I like to know whether I still reach four readers, or whether anyone has dropped off. God forbid, sometimes I wonder if I've reached the uncanny heights of five!

A-Team: From TV To Film

TV shows translated to the big screen has been going for years; who can forget the (rather forgettable) film versions of On The Buses, Are You Being Served, Steptoe and Son, and many others? These films always tended to be more of an extended episode than a film standing in it's own right. But they were, for the most part, enjoyable hokum that whiled away a Sunday afternoon when broadcast on normal telly.

Somewhere along the way, film studios thought it might be a good idea to take a tv show and reinvent it for the big screen. Generally these involved taking the existing format, taking a couple of (fairly) high profile comic actors and creating a spoof version. The first one that I can remember seeing was Dragnet, starring Tom Hanks and Dan Ackroyd. I enjoyed this film quite a bit back in 1987, but then I didn't recall the original TV series. Would I have liked it quite as much if I had been a fan of the original Dragnet? Judging by later films of the same ilk, probably not.

Starsky and Hutch falls into the above category, taking a well respected cop show and remaking a spoof, replacing Paul Michael Glasier and David Soul with the comedy duo of Ben Stiller and Luke Owen Wilson. The film makers fell into what should have been an oh-so obvious trap; the original show was a classic, not because of the stories, but because of the characters and the actors that made the characters real. The original show was quite often funny, but the humour came from the characters. Now, Ben Stiller did a fantastic job of spoofing Paul Michael Glasier, and if the rest of the film followed suit, it could have had potential. But, no, instead lots of humour forced from improbable situations does not a good comedy make.

For me, the film really shows it's faults at the end, when Glasier and Soul make a cameo. They showed more humour and style in two minutes of screen time than the rest of the film combined.

Another horrible attempt at making a film from a tv show is The Dukes Of Hazard. In an attempt to "modernise" the premise, the two Dukes are turned from good ole country boys to complete assholes. But why, Hollywood, why? Everyone used to love the Dukes Of Hazard - but they loved the characters (and the car chases, obviously). Taking the two main stars, and turning them into a couple of pretty unlikeable rogues did nothing.

Then again, sometimes, the film makers don't try and make a comedy out of a tv show, but rather try and emulate the original, such is the case with the Avengers. One of my favourite ever tv shows turned into one of my most hated films. Some bits they got right - Patrick McNee playing an invisible man springs to mind; some bits were on the right track, but just didn't work - the bad guys all dressed as teddy bears, for instance (the plot was about weather control - not bears!!); some bits were mildly annoying, such as Steed and Peel always drinking tea, when it should be champagne, dammit! But the worst of all, was the characters in the film beared no resemblance whatsoever to their tv counterparts, and even worse there was absolutely no chemistry between the two leads. Bah.

Let's not even start on Miami Vice, where all the fun was sucked out of the film version in a big way.

The film companies don't always get it wrong, mind. I recently saw Get Smart, the new film starring Steve Carrell, based on the 60's comedy tv show. Now this is a good film; ok, Agent Smart is a different character from tv to film, he's a much more believable and well rounded character in the film. But most importantly, it manages to be funny, partly through the situations, as the tv series, but it also brought along comedy deriving from the characters within the film. Very good stuff, two thumbs up from me.

Now if you examine all the films I've talked about above, and what works in some is always what goes wrong in others - it's called characters. It's important to have likeable lead characters that work within the context of the original tv show. But likewise, don't just spoof the source material, you'll alienate fans who liked the show, and there's a good chance that newcomers won't get all the references.

Now, I hope that the creators of the new A-Team film have already considered this; judging by the rumour mill and the possible cast, the film won't be going the spoof route; but also, if the cast rumour gossip is anything to go by, it would seem that portraying the original characters is something this film is not striving for either.

I can do without a homemade tank that fires cabbages, but please avoid the pitfalls:
1. The A-Team is FUN, and in no way realistic.
2. The A-Team are good guys and do not kill people. They're already wanted for a murder they didn't commit, they don't need to be hunted for murders they do commit as well.
3. I want to see Hannibal, BA, Face and Murdoch on the big screen; I don't want to see a bunch of known actors playing variations on their regular characters (I'm looking at you Willis)
4. I want to see a few in-jokes, but hope the film doesn't get carried away with these. They can be too distracting.
5. No spoofing the genre conventions - this is BAD.

So, if Hollywood bods read this (possible, but unlikely) then please take note, we want an A-Team film, not an A-Team spoof, or an action blockbuster with only the names from the A-Team.

So to finish here's an incomplete list of TV Shows to Films; please feel free to leave a comment with any missing! Maybe even let me know your favourites and most hated? Oh, and it doesn't include cartoons...

Dragnet
The Untouchables
The Brady Bunch
The Addams Family
The Avengers
Lost In Space
The Fugitive
Charlie's Angels
Mission Impossible
Starsky And Hutch
Miami Vice
The Dukes Of Hazard
Get Smart

Alan Moore Knows The Score

Most of my readers (up to four now, I believe!) are not as geeky as I am, and probably have no knowledge of who Alan Moore is. With Watchmen coming to cinemas next year, it's probably time I educated my readers on who this gentlemen is, although I have no doubt they know some of his work.

Alan Moore is a comics writer with a huge output of comics and graphic novels, many of which have been turned into films. A huge amount, as it happens. But before the films, Pop Will Eat Itself featured Alan Moore and some of his comics in a modest hit called Can U Dig It. Don't remember it? Well here it is:

Wel, I liked it anyway (but then I am a geek).

So what about Alan Moore himself? Well, here's a pic:

Yes, he does look like a freak. And in a lot of respects he probably is. Examples:

1. Expelled from school for dealing LSD, he has always alledgelly been a user of drugs, like most great artistic people in fact.

2. He married, like most people, but him and his wife had a female lover for threesome fun, and eventually the wife run of with the other woman. That has to be hard.

3. He is a witch, and woships a Roman snake god. At least it's probably more fun than Catholicism.

4. He is an anarchist. Actually, judging by the way the country is going, this could be the most non-freaky thing about Alan Moore.

5. He lives in Northampton, which while not the oddest thing in the world is pretty strange.

HIs comic output is huge, and while not all successful, most is amazing. I myself was pretty much drawn into comics at a young age reading his Captain Britain run. His more successful work has now been filmed, including:

FROM HELL - the Jack The Ripper film starring Johnny Depp.

V FOR VENDETTA - the film most notable for Natalie Portman shaving her head, as well as having a terrorist as the hero in a post 9/11 world.

THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN - the high concept story of "what if fictional 19th Century stories and characters were real?" starring Sean Connery as an elderly Alan Quartermain.

And THE DARK KNIGHT was more than heavily infuenced by Moore's The Killing Joke.

However, for whatever reason, he hates his work being turned into film, and pretty much has his name taken off the work and accepts no royalties! Not accepting money from these films? See, a bit freakish. He didn't own the copyright on the above works, so they were made quite legally without his consent.

Next up in 2009 is Watchmen, the graphic novel that deconstructs comics. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but a quick Google shows that it basically means that the story turns all assumptions and genre conventions on their head. It's a great graphic novel, the trailer looks fantastic (but probably only if you already know the story).

Oh, and he got to appear as himself in the Simpsons!

HIs latest graphic novels were a series of boks called The Lost Girls, featuring Alice (In Wonderland), Dorothy (Oz) Gale and Wendy (Peter Pan's girlfriend) in a pornographic coming of age story. He takes each story and rewrite it as a sexual awakening of each girl. Never read them, as it sounds a bit too naughty for a comic.

So, that's the background for the genius that is Alan Moore. Now get ready for Watchmen next year, and if you want to read the graphic novel, just ask and I might lend.

Top Films 2008

Latest update to the Top 20.



01. The Dark Knight - OK, I had doubts, but it is the number one film of the year, no question.
02. Iron Man - slipping to no.2, but seriously, considering the no.1 that still rates as awesome.
03. The Incredible Hulk - Hulk still SMASH! but this time at no.3
04. Dan In Real Life
05. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crytsal Skull
06. Harold and Kumar Escape From Guatanamo Bay
07. Get Smart - more on this is another post soon
08. Hancock - despite it's mixed reviews, a decent action comedy with some intelligence
09. Kung Fu Panda
10. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
11. Sex & The City
12. Meet The Spartans
13. Speed Racer
14. What Happens In Vegas
15. The Mist
16. 27 Dresses
17. Cloverfield
18. Juno
19. In Bruges
20. Shrooms


And falling out of the top 20...

Doomsday, Step Up 2 The Streets, Jumper, Sweeney Todd, The Eye, One Missed Call and 10,000 BC (which is like Apocalypto, without the style and substance)

The X-Files is so far out of the Top 20 it's not even funny.

Films I've still yet to see:
Be Kind Rewind
Prince Caspian
Definitely Maybe
Teeth

Next films to be seen include The Mummy 3: Curse of the Emperor's Tomb, and in just over a week, Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Woot woot!

Back soon

I've been away from my blog for a while, due to a hectic end of last week, busy weekend, and then being rather poorly Monday and Tuesday. Normal A-Team service should resume shortly.

Sorry for the delay.

The Con Is On

Day two of our A-Team Casting Call, and this time it's the turn of Templeton 'Face' Peck, the con man of the team. Face is a failry generic character, and thus the possibilities of who to replace him with are pretty much endless (in fact Dirk Benedict himself replaced Tim Dunigan in the role).

Tim Dunigan as the first Faceman (yeah, who is he?)

Dirk Benedict as the second and only recognisable Faceman

Our first choice in this casting call is Matt Damon. He has the acting chops to pull it off, no doubt, and he seems a likely choice. But would he lower himself to an all ages action film?



Second up is Matt Damon's best friend Ben Affleck. I personally prefer Affleck to Damon, as I think he could carry off the charm and sleasiness much better.




Third choice, Brendan Fraser. No, not my idea, I think this is not a great choice. He has the charm, but I can't see him working as any kind of womanising con man.


Greg Kinnear seems to keep popping up over the net. Yes, he has the sleasiness inherent in Face's character, but he has all the charm of a wet rat that's been run over by a large lorry repeatedly. Yucky idea, the complete opposite of Brendan Fraser in fact.



Onto my personal favourite choice, although not a particularly well known actor, despite being in three X-Men films, Superman Returns, 27 Dresses, Interstate 60 (remember, I mentioned this film yesterday) and many others. And that's James Marsden. To me he just has the whole Face package.



And lastly, a woman. But not just any woman - Katee Sackoff, Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. Wait, I hear you cry - but wasn't Dirk Benedict Starbuck in Battlestar Galactica? Well, yes he was, but in the in the new series he was recast as a woman, and I just think it the perfect of ironies that Face should get recast in the A-Team by the same woman who took his Battlestar Galactica role!

As yesterday, please leave your comments on those above and any suggestions you may have. I may have to skip tomorrow as I'll be having a long work day, but I'll be back with Howling Mad Murdock soon!

I Love It When A Plan Comes Together

So this week myself and several helpers shall be attempting to cast the new A-Team film. Now, we're not actually casting the film, I suppose it's more of a sad fantasy, like Fantasy Football without the competition. Each candidate will be awarded a score out of three, based on the original shows characters, to help my readers work out who should be cast!

Today we'll be looking at Hannibal Smith, the leader of the A-Team. As I'm sure anyone reading this already knows, he always has a plan and loves his cigars, as well as has a job as an actor. Sort of. Played by the late, great George Peppard, who could possibly fill his shoes? Well, here's a list of potential canditates...

The man himself, George Peppard


Bruce Willis

Bruce seems to be the most popular choice on the internet geek boards at the moment. But would he be any good? I'm not so sure, I think the film would end up with John McClane in the lead, being all action-hero-ish, and generally taking over the whole film. Oh, and he might actually something other than a tyre when he starts shooting. A veritable king of mad plans in the Die Hard films, Armageddon, etc.

Chris Cooper


An unlikely choice, but is it inspired? Probably best known for his role in The Bourne Identity, but has appeared in shit loads of films (my favourite is Interstate 60, bet you've never seen it). To me he has that look, and could well pull it off, but may be a bit too serious for the role.

George Clooney


Another popular choice, he definitely has the right look, but would his presence turn it from the A-Team into Ocean's 4? Still, he has the right kind of humour, I can see him getting excited over his over complicated plans, and basically turning the film into a lot of fun. Clooney might be a bit too PC to smoke a cigar, though, which would take him straight out of the running.

Mel Gibson

An interesting choice I stumbled upon on the internet, but I think he has the same problems as Bruce Willis. You'd end up with Martin Riggs leading the team, and who really wants to see Danny Glover as BA?! Of course, with Mel it could go the other way, and he'd insist it's filmed in Iraq, casting Iraquis in the key roles and the whole film being shot in foreign language with subs. Eh.

John Travolta

Very much like Willis and Gibson, except Travolta hasn't had a trilogy quadrilogy of films as the lead action star, and he more than often plays the bad guy. Good choice, and looks good smoking a cigar.

And Anne's choice...

Steve Martin

Um. Yeah. Well, I suppose if it was a comedy... although sometimes the most unlikely of choices works, and he does bear more than a similarity to Peppard...

So who do you think? Any of the above, or do you have any better nominations?

X-Files: I wanted to like it!

Oh my God, just how badly could they have dropped the ball?

SPOLIERS BELOW

Chris Carter, the creator of the X-Files, directed and co-wrote this spin-off film about everybody's favourite supernatural investigators. Didn't it actually occur to him that maybe the audience would have liked some, oh I don't know, horror, suspense, supernatural shenanigans? Instead we get a film that's more like a rather dull episode of generic crime series rather than the ground breaking X-Files. I expected sooo much more.

The villains were plain boring. The case wasn't an X-File at all, and Mulder and Scully only get involved because of a psychic is helping with the case. And exactly what were the vilains doing? It seemed they were involved in stem cell something-or-other, which seemed to involve grafting bits of women to a dying man to keep him alive. Why women and not men? Well, I suppose he was gay, but really I don't know many (any) gay men that actually want one of those trans gender ops.

And how do they find the bad guys hidden base of operations? Well, one of them happens to break down, and Fox simply follows his tracks to their lair. Dull and lazy writing.

At this point in time, I'm not sure this film will even make my Top 20, as I think I'd rather watch Step Up 2 The Streets again rather than this.

A dissapointment.

The Dark Knight

I have now seen The Dark Knight. Does it live up to it's rave reviews?

Well, here are some comments from yours truly:

Heath Ledger/The Joker
Incredible, as amazing as you've heard. Possibly the scariest character to appear in film for, well, years. Easily knocks Jack Nicholson's potrayal for six; more Hannibal Lector than the Joker of previous film and tv outings. It is possible to believe that Ledger's intense performance could result in the tragedy that followed. If Ledger doesn't receive an Oscar for this, then there really is no justice in the film awards. I never liked the Joker in the comics*, there was something that just never clicked with me, but I've now seen the potential of the character, and the sheer terror that he can be. Truly the greatest foe for the Batman.

*he was pretty cool in Frank Miller's graphic novel The Dark Knight Returns, where he was also a chaos bringing terrorist, and Alan Moore's The Killing Joke. I'm pretty sure that the writers, director and Ledger himself based the Joker on these comic appearances. If you haven't read these, you really should, and I think I'll dig out my copy of The Killing Joke for my wife.

Aaron Eckhart/Harvey Dent/Two Face
The problem with working alongside Heath Ledger in this, is that Aaron Eckhart's performance will no doubt be forgotten or go unnoticed. However, this is another truly great performance (Best Supporting Actor? Dare we hope?). Compare this to Tommy Lee Jones in Batman Forever (actually, don't - I'm not sure I could watch those films again now) and you'll see the difference betwen campy overacting and bringing a character to fully realised life.

Christian Bale/The Batman
Bale still makes the best Batman yet, but unfortunately when on screen with the other two main characters, he suffers as a result. That's not to say that Bale delivers a bad performance, far from it - he really seems to be someone torn between doing what is right and what is necessary, and you can see that Batman is completely overwhelmed by a situation he cannot control or even fully understand.

Hmm, can I think of anything bad to say about this film? Well, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman were underused, and could have done with more screen time, but that would have meant either a longer film or cutting out something else, and there's really nothing that could have been cut out.

Before I saw this, I really believed there was no way it could live up to the hype, but it does, in every way possible. Full marks, and yes, it will knock Iron Man off the top spot in my Top 20 Films of 2008.

But where can the franchise go from here? They can't have the Joker again, but what other bad guys could they use? The Penguin? Possibly. The Riddler? Maybe, but he's like a poor man's Joker. Catwoman? Not after the Halle Berry film. Deadshot could be a possible choice, a hitman with a deathwish and who is so good he will only use trick shots. I would go for the Ventriloquist, an unassuming man with a dummy called Scarface who is in charge of the criminal. It's never clear in the comics I've read whether the ventriloquist is mad or the dummy actually is alive. It's an intersting premise that could make it on the big screen.

Well, I'll be updating my Top 20 later on, after I've watched 10,000 BC. I somehow doubt it will knock The Dark Knight off the top...

And Monday: The X-Files: I Want To Believe

Elephant Man or Elephant Anne?

Rather bad news today, I'm afraid our good friend Anne has been diagnosed with the distressing disease elephantisis.

This is a picture of Anne before the disease set in:

As you can see, she's a pretty good looking lass. Alas, this is a pic taken earlier today:

This is no laughing matter, especially as she has a big date tonight. Probably the best thing to do is to disguise the unslightly growth.

This doesn't mean people can start calling her the Elephant Anne, because that's just cruel.

Film 2008 update

Update to my top 20 films - I missed some from the list, and have seen a few since.

Top 20

01. Iron Man - still in pole position

02. The Incredible Hulk - Hulk SMASH!

03. Dan In Real Life

04. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crytsal Skull

05. Harold and Kumar Escape From Guatanamo Bay - a new addition, bloody funny!

06. Get Smart - possibly the best TV to film adaptation?

07. Kung Fu Panda

08. Forgetting Sarah Marshall

09. Sex & The City

10. Meet The Spartans - best one of these spoof films I've seen since Scary Movie

11. Speed Racer - good film, but odd!

12. What Happens In Vegas

13. The Mist - I loved this, especially the ending. Not so much Katie!

14. 27 Dresses

15. Cloverfield

16. Juno

17. In Bruges - another extremely odd film

18. Shrooms

19. Doomsday - good, but not as good as it should have been

20. Step Up 2 The Streets - how this ended up in the top twenty is beyond me

And falling out of the top 20...
Jumper, Sweeney Todd, The Eye and One Missed Call.

Films I've yet to see:

Be Kind Rewind
10,000 BC
Prince Caspian
Hancock
Definitely Maybe
Teeth

My next update should include the Dark Knight. It's had rave reviews, but will that be enough to knock Iron Man off the top spot? Well, my inner geek is saying no, but we'll see.

Top Films 2008

As I have a habit of forgetting which films I loved over the year, welcome to my new Film 2008 update! I shall have a list of top films, which I shall update every month until the end of the year, then have my own little award ceremony, which not only won't the stars attend, they won't even be arsed to tape in an acceptance speech.

Will Iron Man hold the top spot all year? Oh, and I'll only list the top 20... if you're off the list, then you're off the list!

Top 20

01. Iron Man
02. The Incredible Hulk
03. Dan In Real Life
04. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crytsal Skull
05. Kung Fu Panda
06. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
07. Sex & The City
08. What Happens In Vegas
09. 27 Dresses
10. Cloverfield
11. Juno
12. Jumper
13. Sweeney Todd
14. The Eye


Films I've yet to see:

Be Kind Rewind
10,000 BC
Prince Caspian
Speed Racer
Hancock
Definitely Maybe
Teeth
plus many more I'll catch on DVD

Contenders for the Top 10:

X-Files: I Want To Believe
The Dark Knight
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
The Mummy 3

Beatle Inspired Comic Characters

There are good reasons that the Beatles should not be allowed to inspire anyone to a life of a super hero/villain.

Case in point: The Walrus

Well, those not well versed in the Beatles back catalogue may be amazed to discover that they didn't always wear those 60's grey suits. To wit:

And here's the video for the song I Am The Walrus:

New teaser trailer of Kevin Smith's new feature, Zack and Miri Make a Porno. Check it out, I think it looks great!



I have no idea if this film is set in the usual Kevin Smith world, inhabited by Jay, Silent Bob, Dante and Randall, but it does feature Jay (Jason Mewes) and Randall (Jeff Anderson) although in different roles.

In case you're wondering why the girl in the trailer looks so familiar (Elizabeth Banks), well she has been in a few cult films, such as Slither, and is the mother of JDs baby in Scrubs, but she is also Betty Brant, J. Jonah Jameson's secretary in the Spider-Man movies. Cool.

Anticipation for this film? Well, it has to be three Woots out of three.

Marvel Films Update

Riddle me this: when is a Marvel film not a Marvel film?

After my previous post, I had some queries about the lack of Marvel films in 2009. Now, it's true that Marvel are not planning to release any films in 2009, but that only includes the films they own and are financing.

You see, before Iron Man, Marvel did not make any films. They sold their characters to different companies, who then made the films. Marvel had very little control over these films, and I expect they made little money compared to the producers of these films. Also, with different companies owning the rights to use different characters and trade marks, you could never have a crossover or team-up (except with franchises, such as Daredevil/Elektra)

So, yes there will be Marvel films in 2009, but there are no plans for a Marvel produced film in 2009.

So, which films featuring Marvel characters are due for release?

The Punisher: War Zone
Lions Gate Films, December 5th 2008

X-Men Origins: Magneto
20th Century Fox, 2009 release, no confirmed date

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
20th Century Fox, 2009 release, no confirmed date

Spider-Man 4
Columbia Pictures, 2010 release, no confirmed date

So that's one at the end of the year, two next year, and one for 2010.

Now this is a list of all Marvel properties currently in development. Note that it can take years from development till the film's release, so who knows when these will be released, if ever? Oh, I've added ratings out of 3 for my anticipation, film potential and villain potential, for no reason other than to take up space beside the pictures.

Black Panther
Marvel Studios

Nothing to do with the black terrorists of the 70s, but an African prince who gains mad acrobatic skills from eating special "herbs" in the jungle. Bah, you would no more give the Panther his own film, than you would do any other sidekick - and let's be honest, being in a team is the only way this character works.

My anticipation: 1

Film potential: 1

Bad guys include Klaw, a man made of living sound, and Man-Ape, a large dude who dresses up as a white gorilla.

Villain Potential: 1

Cloak and Dagger
Marvel Studios

Hmm, a film about two teenage runaways who get hooked on crack and heroin, take some dodgy stuff and gain super powers, where they fight drug dealers of the New York underworld. Yeah, I could see this being a hard sell - whats the moral here, run away, become homeless, take drugs and become a super-hero? There's something about a comic where this sort of nonsense can (and does) work, but I can't imagine it working on the big screen at all.

My anticipation: 1
Film potential: 1

Bad guys include Silvermane, who is an old guy in a bionic suit, and Kingpin, who has already been used in Daredevil.

Villain potential: 1

Deathlok
Paramount Pictures

A film about an assassin cyborg trying to overcome his programming. Interesting fact: the character of Deathlok and the Six Million Dollar Man are both based on the same novel, Cyborg, but quickly went completely separate ways. I have fairly high hopes for this, and believe this has the potential to be a new Blade.

My anticipation: 2

Film Potential: 3

Bad guys... um, I'm not really sure...

Villain Potential: 1

Doctor Strange
Marvel Studios

Could be cool, could be absolute rubbish. Unfortunately, I think it will be the latter. Doctor Strange is a sorceror, and these have proven hard to get right in the films. Really, the only one remembered for being any good at all is Gandalf, who is a supporting character, and doesn't use much magic.

My anticipation: 1

Film potential: 2

Bad guys include Baron Mordo, another sorceror who likes tight green latex with a receding hairline and goatee (not a good luck) and Dormammu, sorceror supreme of another dimenion with a flaming pumpkin for a head.

Villain potential: 2

The Gargoyle
Columbia Pictures

What? Seriously? I can't even be bothered to rate this one.

Ghost Rider 2
Columbia Pictures
IT can't be any duller than the first, can it? I'd be amazed if Nicholas Cage agreed to do this, but then he may be locked into a 3-film contract. Ironic, as the story is about the devil holding a contract for Cage's soul...

Iron Fist
Lions Gate Films

Everybody was kung foo fighting - HA! Yeah, Marvel's answer to Bruce Lee. Except he's a blonde white dude whose fist can become like a thing of iron or something.

If you like martial arts super-hero movies, then this is the one for you.

My anticipation: 3

Film potential: 3

Bad guys include Sabretooth (from X-Men), Boomerang and various other martial artist themed foes.

Villain potential: 2

He's also partner to...

Luke Cage
Marvel Studios

Angry black dude with steel hard skin. He's a super-hero with a difference - he hires out his services as a hero to make money. He also says "Sweet Christmas" a lot. Very much a black stereotype from the '70s, not sure how well he would translate to the cinema screen.

Seems to have undergone something of an image change in comics recently, however, and is more of gangsta than a brother; shaven head, tight black vest, gold teeth etc. Shame.

My anticipation: 3

Film potential: 2

Bad guys include lots of racial stereotypes with shite names, like Cotton Mouth (a type of snake) and Moses Magnum.

Villain potential: 1

Nick Fury
Marvel Studios

Already introduced in Iron Man. Samuel L Jackson as a super-spy with an eye patch and a flying car. Can't really miss can it, except I doubt we'll see Fury using the term "motherfucker" at all.

And notice how the comic version bears more than a passing similarity to Sam the Man himself...

My anticipation: 3

Film potential: 3

Bad guys include terrorist organisations HYDRA and AIM, as well as assassin robots called Dreadnaughts.

Villain potential: 3



Silver Surfer
20th Century Fox

Hey, its the Silver Surfer... what else do you need to know, except he's the coolest surfer in the universe...

My anticipation: 3

Film potential: 3

Bad guys include Galactus, obviously, as well as alien races such as the Skrulls and Badoon, as well as other heralds of Galactus, like Terrax and Firelord

Villain potential: 3

Sub-Mariner
Universal Studios

The Rock has been approached for this film. But really, it's about an anti-hero who lives (mainly) in the sea, his costume consists of speedos, and he flies by means of ankle wings. In the comics he tries to invade the surface land quite often, fights other super-heroes (and nazis) and tries it on with the Invisible Woman. Ugh.

My anticipation: 1

Film potential: 2

Enemies include the Fantastic Four, and other sea beings such as Attuma (not a tuna! lol) and Tiger Shark.

Villain potential: 1

Venom
Columbia Pictures
Talk about scraping the bottom of the Spider-Man barrel. But that is a cool pic.

My anticipation: 1

Film potential: 2

Enemies include... um, Spider-Man?

Villain Potential: 1

And thats all the crap I could find for this Marvel movie post. Any errors or omissions, let me know.

Marvel Movies

Marvel's financial report for the first quarter of 2008 includes a list of upcoming films they plan to release in the future; this is pretty cool news, and I've included a list for those geeky enough to be interested.

Unfortunately, they do not plan to release any films during 2009, meaning after the Hulk we have to wait almost 2 years for the next Marvel feature. That kind of sucks.

The next film?

IRON MAN 2
April 30th, 2010

I'm obviously looking forward to this one, considering how much I enjoyed the first film last week. Let's hope it can keep up the quality.

As far as I'm aware the director and stars are all signed to a three film deal, so as long as it's half as awesome as the first one, it will be a great film.

The Mandarin was set up in the first film (if you're geeky enough to spot the references) so expect Chinese villainy aplenty (although I bet they change his nationality to Korean)



THOR
June 4th, 2010


One of the more obscure Marvel characters, despite his big geek fan base. He's the Norse God of Thunder, super strong and immortal, with a large hammer mjolnir, that he uses to smite evil doers. The hammer also allows him to fly and do a whole bunch of crazy stuff.

Many of his adventures are sent in Asgard, where the Norse Gods live, battling giants and trolls. But many more of his adventures are set on Earth battling evil super-villains, such as the Absorbing Man and the Wrecker.

I'm curious whether they go the super-hero route, or instead take the fantasy setting. Of course, they might combine the two to have a super-hero Lord of the Rings, but I'm guessing this would be tricky.

The director is yet to be announced, but Thor is set to be played by Kevin McKidd, the lead on Journeyman, the time travelling TV series recently broadcast. Good choice, I think.

That's it for 2010, then it jumps to 2011

CAPTAIN AMERICA
May 6th, 2011

The star-spangled Avenger himself! This film should be awesome, especially compared to the suck-fest that was the 1990's version (they changed the Red Skull from evil Nazi agent to Italian for fear of offending Germans about the war - so what about the poor Italians?!?)

I'm hoping Brad Pitt makes his first super-hero movie, considering the way he fought with a shield in Troy. He's be a perfect choice. The wrong actor and this thing will fall apart as pure cheese. Oh, and I hope he doesn't fight bloody terrorists - they sure can get old in escapism films. Iron Man is the exception as his origin always involved terrorists.

While I have no doubt the main bad guy will be the Red Skull, I would love to see Batroc the Leaper make an appearance. He's a French kick boxer who bouces around a lot and speaks in an over the top French accent. I must blog about him soon.

THE AVENGERS
July, 2011

This is the big one. It's already been set-up in the first Iron Man, in the scene with Samuel L Jackson as agent Nick Fury of SHIELD. I expect more set-up in the upcoming Hulk film.

The Avengers were originally Thor, Iron Man, Ant-Man, the Wasp and the Hulk, who banded together to fight Loki, Thor's evil step-brother. They were quickly joined by Captain America.

I hope they take some bad guys from the individual films, and band them together as the Masters of Evil, the opposite of the Avengers. I can see the Red Skull, the Abomination (from the new Hulk film), the Iron Monger armour (from Iron Man, but not worn by Stane, obviously) plus others banding together and fighting our heroes. That would be so cool.

Plus, Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury! Cool!

But... wait... of the original Avengers, we have movies for Iron Man, Hulk, Thor, Captain America... but what about Ant Man and the winsome Wasp?


Well, it was announced that an Ant Man film was to be released in 2009, directed by Edgar Wright, partner to Simon Pegg and co-writer and director on Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead. Will it happen? It should really, to set everything up for the Avengers film.

Although Ant Man is kind of a crap character - he shrinks and rides around on a flying ant. His partner, the Wasp, is slightly cooler, she shrinks but grows wings and fires energy blasts (her "stings").

Can we dare hope that not only does this movie get made, it's played by non-other than Simon Pegg?!?

Oh, and Ant Man is slightly mental, has nervous breakdowns, and beats up his partner sometimes. Not your typical super-hero. He also has the worst bad guys ever, and that's including the Spider-Man and Iron Man foes I've bogged about in the past. The Human Top, a villain who spins round like a, well, like a human top. And Egghead, an evil scientist with a head shaped like an egg. Ugh.

Let me know if you're looking forward to seeing any of the above films!

Ant Man Addendum

I've just noticed that within the Marvel Quartlerly report Ant Man is indeed listed as an upcoming movie project, with the writer/director appointed (Edgar Wright). There is no release date, however. As I can't imagine Ant Man having summer blockbuster appeal (would your movie highlight of the summer be going to see a man who can shrink, have a breakdown, and then beat his wife? No, didn't think so, although it's probably the best Oscar chance for a super-hero movie), if this is released I could see it being delayed to fit in around Iron Man 2 and Thor during 2010. Although it might be worth an out of season release, maybe late 2009.

Iron Man villains addendum

I have been reminded that I actually forgot one of Iron Man's most astounding and fearsome of opponents - a behemoth of epic proportions, a dragon so huge, so gigantic, so impossibly fearsome, he has caused our favourite avenger no end of trouble in the past.

His aliases include:

• He Whose Limbs Shatter Mountains
• He Whose Back Scrapes The Sky; and
• The Sleeping Dragon
  

With a foe as powerful as this, have we found a worthy adversary for Iron Man in his third film? After all, how can the menace of Fing Fang Foom be defeated simply with a mechanical suit of armour?

Yes, Fing Fang Foom, as he is known throughout the Marvel Universe. But is he (it?) a worthy opponent for Iron Man? Take a look at the image, and decide for yourself...

Oh yes, I forgot to mention the thunderously powerful dragon known as Fing Fang Foom wears giant purple pants. I suppose even dragons must have some modesty...?

7 things you never knew (or wanted to know) about Fing Fang Foom:

1. He (it) comes from Kakaranathara, an alien planet. Making him (it) a large alien, and not really a dragon at all.
2. He (it) apparently fought the Communists as well as Iron Man. Erm, odd.
3. He (it) can use those "little" wings to fly at supersonic speeds.
4. He (it) communicates telepathically, rather than speaking.
5. He (it) does not breathe fire, no, but a combustible acid mist.
6. In the Iron Man cartoon, he (it) was voiced by the same person who featured in Back To The Future part II as the Biff Tannon Museum Narrator.
7. The Hulk is green with purple pants, yet nobody finds him particularly amusing. Odd.

Well, I hope this has been both informative and helpful, and l hope you're looking forward to seeing this great villain in a sequel near you, soon.